realise and accept our
addiction for living in duality by the well known romanian author Adrian Dumitru
Jealousy is difficult to be …. understood.
… but also accepted.
Psychology says that “it is a complex emotion that encompasses feelings ranging from suspicion to rage to fear to humiliation. It strikes people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations, and is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party. The threat may be real or imagined.”
I would define it … mainly saying that it is related to the fear of not losing our partners.
But .. many times it is mixed … with the feelings of possession.
Unfortunately … it’s difficult to get rid of that … unless we have a partner which is a great psychologist … or know all about love … or we simple learn to practice the detachment.
I’ve recently saw a love movie about a couple which was experiencing an amazing love story.
They were both of middle age … and never been into such a relationship… so all looked … like in fairy tales.
Well … except the fact that he could stand as her to say even a simple “Hello” to another man.
He was just driving crazy seeing that.
And … if it happened that she really had to change few words with any man … no matter of age or his physical appearance… it was all … horrible.
He made her a scandal for … maybe at least … for a week.
So …all was perfect, but unfortunately they had lots of ridiculous moments induced by the fact that he was extremely possessive.
… 100% a movie inspired from a real case scenario.
But … having this show on and on and on … till one point when she realised that if one man comes to talk with her she should just run away so that she will not generate again another jealousy crisis … he comes with the idea to do something together and start to treat this ugly feelings which were dominating his soul.
One day … she comes to his house and finds him in the company on his friends … Elvis and Tim.
Smiling to her … with a little bit of fear into his voice … he suddenly says… “Emma … i come to you with a weird proposal … but i believe that trick might help me … start the process of cure for my ridiculous jealousy.
I want you to relax … and allow my 2 friends to undress you … in front of my eyes.”
Shocked … she replies … “You’re crazy! You would just kill me in a millisecond if i do that.
I would also dislike it …
But how can you come with such a stupid idea?! ….”
“Well … knowing how a man is thinking… I actually see into their eyes how they would love to undress you … and make love with you.
They pretend they speak with you … about different things … but …
And … i just lose my minds.
So …. I’ve made this arrangement with Elvis and Tim … to do this show in front of my eyes … inducing me the illusion that they will seduce you … take off your clothes … and then …
Actually … into the last moment … when i feel that i totally lose control on myself … you come to me … and we start making love … calming one more time … my mind.”
The movie itself was amazing … trying to send this powerful message that a love story …can be a great way of having therapy together.
So into the end … they just did the experiment.
And even … repeated it.
Actually… he came to a point when he had started to enjoy all … even asking his friends to touch her … and to really pretend in front of his eyes that … they will make love for real … and she will allow to be seduced.
But one day … realising he will not really fool his mind for real … cause he was understanding all was an
arrangement … he comes to her and says … “Listen to me …. I can’t really get rid of this stupid jealousy … cause is actually a mix of jealousy and possession and i can’t accept to share you.
Today … i can’t fool my mind anymore.
I just can’t.
It’s like we are actors into a movie and we just play the roles that the scenarist wrote.
So … we have to go further.
Both Elvis and Tim like you.
I know that.
Maybe you like them too.
So … I believe it’s time to allow them to touch you and even make love with you for real … in front of my eyes.”
She was shocked … again.
“I can’t believe it. Seeing that you are losing your minds by this obsession for me … and in fact totally losing the control on yourself … you just want to go further … till a point when you’ll actually lose me.
You’ll practice the detachment.
You’ll succeed it.
You’ll defeat your fears … but in fact you’ll become indifferent.
I’ll be just a woman … having an erotic show in front of your eyes.
You’ll enjoy it ….
… but you’ll lose me.
I’ll not be in your soul anymore.
So … what if i come to you with another proposal … which might be a better one … cause i can’t live without you.
What if … i start to accept your jealousy and speak with you in those moments of craziness and calm you?!”
Most certainly … the movie was revealing to me that some couples know to treat each other as real psychologists … and it’s so bad cause many others can’t do it.
Maybe … we … all … should think of doing that.
Movies are many times clearly motivating us to see lots of similarities between our experiences … and how others are experiencing life … and maybe guide us …
Unfortunately … soon after leaving the cinema … we just forget all.
So … life continues… just stupid …
Download the book ”Mr & Mrs FREUD
in love … but still playing psychological games –
philosophical essays” written by the romanian essayist Adrian Dumitru for FREE.
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